I'm Coming Out - How, When, and To Whom Should You Tell People You're Poly

Coming out as polyamorous can be one of the most personal, high-stakes decisions in ethical non-monogamy. In this episode, Kat and Doc dive deep into the complex emotional, social, and logistical layers of deciding who gets to know, when to share, and how to protect yourself and your partners along the way. From the mental load of navigating a mononormative world to the strategies for incremental disclosure, the hosts get honest, vulnerable, and practical about this ongoing process.

Whether you’re coming out to friends, family, coworkers, or your community, this episode explores the difference between privacy and secrecy, how to respond to difficult reactions, and why safety always comes first. Doc shares lessons from a lifetime of professional discretion and parenting older kids, while Kat opens up about her community-facing career and tough family experiences—including a heartbreaking birthday moment. The duo also unpack how internalized shame and fear can make coming out feel heavier than it needs to be.

You’ll leave this episode with strategies to manage disclosure, tips to build a “coming out” game plan, and a reminder that you don’t owe anyone your truth—unless and until it feels right for you. Also: sliding it into bakery small talk, defining “mister-ess,” and what not to do with a microphone at a wedding.

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