Welcome to the Poly Pathways podcast, helping you create paths for practical polyamory. Your hosts are Kat and Doc. We're glad you're here. Hello, Polypathways listeners. Thank you so much for tuning in and subscribing to the Polypathways podcast where we help you to create practical pathways to successful pathways. polyamory. So whether you're new to polyamory or you've been in polyamory for a while, are you just curious? Today we're going to talk about the fear of missing out. And Kat, I have the fear of missing out with you today. And that's because you are just the world traveler and I just wish that I could travel with you. But I enjoy very much your travels. And so I'm glad to have our recording session back. But let's talk a little bit this week about FOMO, which is very common in polyamory. It's common in all things. It's a very popular term these days in social media. But the fear of missing out or envy really relates to polyamory because there are a lot more intersections with different relationships, different connection types, different types of people that you may or may not meet. And certainly, because we're dealing with lots of people, we're also dealing with different things, different experiences that maybe we're like, oh, I would have liked to have done that or maybe we just haven't gotten there yet. I think that it's also more broadly defined, but there's this feeling, this perception that other people are having fun, are doing things without you, or maybe even if you're traumatized enough at your expense or in your face, and you're not able to be there and be part of that experience. So they're doing new things. They're living maybe a better life. Maybe your FOMO, your envy, your trauma is taking you down, some pretty dark paths. And I think that that's easy to do, especially because there is this rise of social media algorithm and the algorithm keeps you there and keeps you feeling bad about the experiences you are not having. And probably from a different perspective, it's like, oh, we're just showing you things that you can do. But the truth is we all know that social media helps us feel bad about ourselves, which is, you know, hopefully we're not doing that here on the podcast. So if we're not making you feel bad about yourself, in fact, if we're making you feel good at it, about yourself. You should subscribe and share this with your friends. But today we're going to talk a little bit about what FOMO looks like, how to deal with FOMO, and how to deal with that envy. And just kind of lean into yourself in your experience and make you a better me so you can be a better we. It's really important to call out that even if you're non-Polyamerous, you probably have experience with FOMO. Either on social media, your friend is having a giant wedding, they're going and traveling, they have the perfect little family, whatever it is. Or maybe all your friends went out for a party and you were not invited, right? You have that fear of missing out. I don't think that's a unique concept to polyamory in general. I've heard from a lot of people the forward-thinking FOMO. Your partner says, I'm going to go do this thing with my other partner. And you're mad because you wanted to go. Your partner says, hey, I'm going to this concert with my partner. I'm going to this concert with my boyfriend and, you know, we're going to go hang out on Sunday night. And your immediate reaction is, well, I want to go do that thing. Or why can't I come? Or why haven't we done that thing? I've heard that very, very often from people, that whole comparison thing, which leads to that fear of missing out. For me, this actually happened in a very weird way instead of the forward thinking, it was after thinking. So Valentine's Day a couple of years ago, which I do not celebrate Valentine's Day, as I know we talked about in our Valentine's Day episode, I don't really make a big deal about it. But it so happened that there was a screening of the 2003 film The Room featuring Tony Wousseau, which if you've never seen it, I think it's famous for being terrible, which is great. But there was a screening of it. I had never heard of this movie before. My partner asked me to go see it. We went, it happened to fall on Valentine's Day. And afterwards, my other partner had expressed a lot of disqualification. discomfort and really missing out and was really upset because they had wanted to go to a live screening of this movie before. There's like an interactive component. It's very similar to Rocky Horror Picture Show. They had said that it was something they always wanted to do. I had never heard of this movie before. My partner had never said that they had wanted to do this with me, without me, whatever. But it was kind of a moment in time where I was like, oh, you're upset because I went and did this thing that you wanted to do. But I didn't know that wanted to do it. So it was a really strong illustration of FOMO after the fact where this thing happened and then you found out that someone was missing out. The forward thinking happens for me more is like a new restaurant comes out and I want to go to a restaurant with my partner, my foodie partner. I have a foodie partner and a knob foodie partner. My foodie partner will say, hey, let's go to this new restaurant and let's try it out. And then as soon as the other partner finds out, they want to be included. They have that envy. They have that triggering scenario where I want to go and do this and I want to do this with you. and they're feeling kind of left out about it. So I think those are the two scenarios in my personal experience that are most common. But what are some other triggers that you see, Doc? What other things trigger the FOMO? I really like what you said there about earlier about comparison. And comparison being the Thief of Joy, I think that's the real big trigger for me in FOMO and Envy is that I might be making comparisons to my other partner, who is a whole person who has lots of different. personality aspects and interests. We gel and connect on many of them, but not all of them. And so sometimes, though, your partner may be having a date experience or they may be doing something that maybe you've wanted to try and you haven't tried because you just haven't had an opportunity to and your other partner is very experienced in that or whatever it might be. So I think about scenarios and triggers around envy that might be around places they go, just as you said, restaurants. but it also might be maybe they go out of town or they're going on an experience or they're renting an Airbnb or they're going to a concert or it might very well be in places like the kink and sexuality aspects of our relationships where we have a partner that is very kink-oriented or hedonistic and we have a partner who it might be very vanilla and might be experiencing that. I think different types of polyamry relationships also lead to fear. of missing out, things like you are more secure with one partner versus another partner and your insecure partner may be feeling like they wish they had that comfort and that confidence or vice versa. Your comfortable and confident partner might be like, hey, I wish I was getting taken care of like that. Or having my security needs met in that way. The interesting part about what you just said is you having like going back to the Kink example, the vanilla experience versus the Kink experience. So even if one partner is vanilla and you're going and having a Kake experience with your tank partner, they can still experience FOMO, even though they don't want that, right? They still have that like knee-jerk reaction that they're missing out on something, even if it's not something that they want. And I think that that really points to some of the underlying issues that draw in where the phomom is coming from. Yeah, absolutely. And I think Polly relationships just compared to monogamy, although I have monogamous friends who experience fear missing out all of the time. And I experience it with friends and with colleagues and all sorts of different types of things. But it's that, it really does, though, I think come from mononormative, insecure thinking around things like scarcity and uniqueness. And this is special. And this is our thing. And I'm not saying that in Polly, you can't have a unique thing with a partner. Maybe it's a nickname or a cute pet name that you have for And that's also okay. Or maybe this is just, I just do this with this partner type of things. And some people experience FOMO around places or experiences. But I think it's that part of that mononormative thinking that leads us to that insecurity because I can take my other partner to that restaurant or I can go to another concert with my partner or we can try that experience together if that's what you want to do. And likewise, I can ask for that from my partner. Like, hey, I see that you're going to a concert with your other partner. I think I'd like to go to a concert, not that concert, but a concert together. Yeah, I think that's amazing. And that's probably the part of FOMO that I most like to talk about is that even if you do have an experience with someone and it's the first time experience, right, that uniqueness of being the first time to do something. So if you go to a restaurant with your partner and then your other partner flips out and wants to go to that same restaurant, you're going to have a completely different experience with that other partner. It is still going to be the first time you're sharing that experience with someone else. So even if you were to do the same thing on repeat every single year. So say you go camping every single year and you just have a different partner each time, it is a wildly different experience because of the person that you're with. And I think that is really important to call out because it helps a swage. Some of those underlying issues, like the insecurity, the fear of abandonment, that comparison, the scarcity mindset, that it's only going to happen once and I want it to be with me. I think a lot of that is holdover from monorority of culture just reinstating that it's not special if it's not the first time and it's not unique to me. Right. Like we call it something completely different because it's special and it's unique and it's something only I did. I don't know why we hold so closely onto that ideal that if it happened more than once, it's not special anymore. I almost think that that hails back to like the Puritan virginity culture almost. Like as soon as it happens for the first time, it's no longer special, which we all know is bullshit. But yeah, I really think a lot of that is driven by, you know, you're going to have such a great time, that fear of abandonment. You're going to have such a great time doing this with this other partner that you're not going to want to do it with me, that you're not going to want to come back to me. and that you're going to have so much joy that it's not even worth it for me to go do this thing with you because we're never going to have as much fun as you had with this other partner. That's, I really hadn't thought about that in the extreme, but that's definitely something that I've experienced on the, not in that fear of not having my own envy, but on the other side of that envy, that you're going to have this experience with your other partner and you're going to abandon me going to leave me. And that, that sucks being on both sides. I'm sure it sucks feeling like you're going to be abandoned. But also the part you might not be paying attention to is that if you think that your partner going to a restaurant or going to a movie or a concert with their other partner is going to end your relationship, you need to look at your role within that relationship or you need to look at the relationship that if things are that tenuous, that fragile, that's a big part of it. And we're going to talk about some strategies we're dealing with it because I also don't necessarily think that, I mean, part of it is just that recovery piece of that immediate, like, oh my God, they're going to lead me because of it. Like, reality check. Yeah. That experience would have to be, like, universally, heavenly, like, the finger of God comes down and touches the two of you on the head. And it's like, like, this relationship is the only one in the world. Like, that's foolishness to think. But I understand the fear and the trauma of it in the moment, but that's where we need to start talking about evidence. And we'll talk a little bit about that in the next segment. But that, I hadn't really thought about that abandonment to the extreme. But that's really interesting. I think the reason that one's sort of sharp for me, and I know we haven't done a mini episode on it, but I planned to do a mini episode on it. I actually visited a sex club with one of my partners. And I think that experience is what crystallized that so, dramatically for me because one of my partners is more inclined to that type of activity and the other is not. And, you know, not to blow up my partner, but I would say that my more vanilla partner was really threatened by that experience because they did believe that. They thought that I was going to have such an amazing experience that I was going to crave that experience all the time. And I could feel the struggle within them of like, they have to catch up and be on that level. And it's like, no, that's not what our relationship is. That's not what our dynamic is. That's not what I want out of you. I don't want same thing out of you because I'm having this experience elsewhere. But I really thought that highlighted for me where they thought I was going to have such a great experience that I was going to want that and only that from now on. And I wasn't going to have anything else. So I think that's why that example hits so hard with me is because I saw it play out in real life and I was able to recognize it and kind of work through it. But it really was an opportunity to highlight the importance of identifying the underlying emotions and really, acknowledging them and pulling them out without judgment, right? Because we feel how we feel and being able to work through that with constructive strategies. I know we did an episode on jealousy already, but it might be going, it might be worth going back and taking a listen to that on some more of those strategies. We're going to talk a little bit about it next, but that's really a deep dive into some of those ways to untangle your feelings, your jealousy, and constructively work through all of that. Hey there, amazing human. Just a quick pause to say thank you for tuning in to the Poly Pathways podcast. Whether you're here for your first episode or you've been along this polyamorous journey from the start, we see you. We appreciate you, and we're so glad you're here. If you're loving this conversation, we've got a little request. Don't keep all this polyamory goodness to yourself. Hit that subscribe button or follow button wherever you're listening right now so that you don't miss an episode. and then share this podcast with a friend. Whether it's the deep dives, practical tips, or little doses of relationship realness, there's plenty more to come, and we don't want you to miss a thing. And hey, let's keep this conversation going. Follow us on social media at Poly Pathways podcast, wherever you like to social. That's where the magic happens between episodes. Updates, behind-the-scene moments, and yes, the occasional meme, because let's face it, Pollyamory is definitely meme worthy. Your support through subscribing, following, and sharing is the best way to make it possible for us to keep creating content for this incredible community. So thank you. You're the reason this podcast exists. All right. Let's get back to the episode. We left off with talking about some communication strategies on how to share your feelings with your partners constructively. I framed it in the pre-event or post-event. If you're feeling these feelings, when your partner announces, they're going to going to go do something that you're a little jealous of or you're feeling a little envious of. Let's talk about that first. I am feeling. Using those I statements, so important. It's not about them. It's not about what they're doing. It's about I. I feel like you're going to have a really good time and that makes me feel insecure. Great. Proactive and positive planning. After this event, what are you going to do while I'm at this event to help manage your feelings, right? What strategies do you have for coping? Are you going to go take care of yourself? Are you going to go, you know, maybe you're going to go find something fun to do during that time? Are you going to go read a book? Are you going to go walk the dog? Are you going to go hang out with a friend? Proactive planning around what to do with that feeling that you know is going to arise while I'm having this experience with someone else? And then how are we going to reconnect when you get back? Do you want to hear about the experience? Do you not want to hear about the experience? Some people build it up really big in their head is like this big thing. And then the experience turns out to be terrible and they come back and tell you about it. And them telling you what a bad experience it is totally helps you get over it. And some people don't want to hear about it at all. Like if you're having a great experience. So that was, those are some ways that you can address it if you know about the event ahead of time and really want to plan ahead for smart reconnection. You got to be a little careful with if it's a bad time or falling into that kind of mononormative trap of bashing the experience. Like, oh, yeah, it was fine, or it wasn't that great, or the food was cold, or whatever. Like, be, just be mindful that we fall into that place where we're trying to protect our other partner from a really great experience. And by doing that, we're being disingenuous to ourselves, our experience, but also our other partner. There are some techniques, I think, for managing your emotion, like, during those times of missing out. So, you know, for example, well, Kat was traveling the world and just being this, just being this world traveler. And I'm sitting here as her podcast host living this hell of envy. This hell of envy. I'm so sorry, Doc. I didn't know. Not as all. So there are ways for you to manage your emotions. When you know your partners having that experience, so say you know that they're out having. an experience or a date or they're doing something that you might want to do with them or even afterwards when they come and they say, oh, I did this thing and it was amazing. And there are ways that you can deal with that. So being mindfulness, and if you haven't caught on in our show yet, but Kat and I both practice mindfulness a lot and we really believe in that sort of mindfulness journey is a big part of that. Having a daily practice of mindfulness, being aware of yourself, being aware of your connections within the world, being aware that you are okay and that everything will be okay, a lot can really help you to ease some of that fomo as it happens either proactively or reactively, just to have the confidence of that meditation, of that connection with yourself. I think journaling helps, and I actually like proactive journaling for having fear of missing out. So I have a note that I keep in my phone that talks about our relationship. I think I took this from an episode that we did where you talked about writing a love letter to your partner. And so I don't, it's not a love letter to my partner. It is a love letter about our relationship to help remind me about what I'm feeling for that partner. But I also like to journal it out. People journal differently. I've actually had a lot of conversations about journaling. and this might be a fun non-Poly specific episode to do, but the different types of journaling that people could do. I journal my out thoughts. So I just, if I have a feeling or I have a thought, I tend to jump into my journal and just write it down to get it out of my head. But also doing that reflection and just saying, I'm okay. We're okay. This is okay. Yeah, I think journaling is a great way, especially on the post side, right? We did talk about how to communicate effectively if you know this event is coming, but if you didn't and you hear about it afterwards, journaling before you go back to your partner, your partner's coming home from that date and you just realize what's happening or they just told you about it, take a moment to pause and journal through your thoughts before you start, you know, unpacking all of that with those eye statements and those plannings and being like, I felt this way and I would like to reconnect this way. Sometimes just sitting down and putting it on paper will help you work through it in a smart way so that you're not just like, what I call word vomiting all over your partner, partner when you are in a heightened sense of emotional overwhelm. You're feeling all those feelings all at once. Journal them out first. That's a really great way to kind of self-reflect and find your way back to a more even ground to have a smart conversation. That's right. And I think it also helps because you are starting to take control of your time, your decisions, your actions around this sense of envy, that you're able to, your journaling is your action, not their action. You're not journaling because they went out and they had a special night with their other partner. You're journaling because you have a feeling and you need to understand that feeling a little bit better. But if you're able to, in that journaling, also take control by making a plan when a partner is out doing something that you want to do, make a plan for you and your partner to maybe do the same thing. Like, hey, I would love to do that. Or I would love to do something similar. I would love to do something adjacent to that. Can we do that? Yeah, that's a great example. So you mentioned how I was out traveling the world and things like that. Little did I know that my partners were also feeling a bit of FOMO because I was traveling solo. For context, I was in Europe for a little bit, which is why we missed a few weeks in recording. But I found out that my partners were actually planning their own trips because they were having FOMO, but they were inspired by that FOMO to take action and to plan for something fun that we could do and travel together. That is a great example of taking that thomo and turning it to something positive. That's an emotionally mature response to envy within the relationship is not to take it as the world is ending, but rather as inspiration for something that you can also do and go about doing either for yourself or for you and the partner your experience at envy with or maybe for you and your other partner. So you'd be like, you know what? I also want to go and have that experience. So I'm going to go do that. And then we're going to do that together, and that might be really cool. Taking that abandonment conversation to the extreme that they're having this experience, they're going away for six hours on a date, on a road trip date, and my world is completely ending. That may be what you're feeling and your feelings are valid. That's not a helpful feeling to have. And that's also not true. Just because you feel bad or just because you feel a thing doesn't always make that true. So it's important to understand that if FOMO is happening or NB is happening, whether it's systemic, whether there's just, you have, your partners has one of these active partners that wants to do things and wants to have experiences, whereas you want to sit on the couch and play candy crush next to them, like understanding that you want to value the long-term relationship over the hard feeling you're having in this moment or over the situation that you're facing. If you look at, you know, here's Kat travel in the world. Kat and I have been friends for a very long time. I'm not going to get bent out of shape because Kat's traveling the world. One, because she's done it enough that I know. But also, I know that I can say, Kat, I'd like to plan a little bit of a backpacking trip, and Kat and I can go have a backpacking trip together. I was so. Right. And I can talk to her about that. But, like, if she had gone backpacking well in Europe, I would have been like, Kat. Yo. I would have sent you an invite. Yeah, right. But, again, I wouldn't be like, that's it. Podcasts over. Friendship over. That's the end of this thing. Like, and Kat, I have a longing friendship that we can value that friendship. And in your romantic partnership, valuing those hard feelings, no matter how, even if they're lasting a day or two days or a couple weeks, You got to look at that and say, we've been together for years. I'm going to work through this. I'm going to do my part. Take control of your life and your decisions. And just know that just because they went to a concert or just because they went on a road trip that you might have wanted to go on, doesn't mean that your relationship is over. No. And this is a really good point about knowing your partner, right? So for me, I get really excited to repeat that experience. So say I did have the most amazing time ever. Great. I'm excited. I loved that experience. I want to share it with someone else because every time I repeat that experience, I'm doing something new. It's a new experience. So if I had a great time with my partner and we went and hiked this amazing waterfall and did all these really cool things, great. I'm super excited. I want to repeat that with a new partner so that I can have a new experience. Like it's brand new and novel for me each time I do it, even if it's with the same person, even if it's with different people. You can get excited to repeat it in a new way. And I think that's where you can start to find a little bit of that compersion. I have a lot of compersion around experiences. I feel joy for other people having experiences that I want to hear about, and I want to experience vicariously through them. I might never go climb out Everest, but my friend is going to go do it. Am I a little jealous? Yeah, because I would love to do that. But I recognize that I'm probably not going to. But I'm still really happy they had that experience. It's not required. You don't have to be excited about your partners having these experiences, but you do have to kind of emotionally regulate yourself so that you're not feeling reactive to them. That part of it is key. Because the tendency here is going to be to be toxic and shitty with your partner, right? And you have the power to allow them to have those experiences without the poison pill of your insecurity, your shittiness, your pettiness, all of these words describe a state of emotional dysregulation. Yeah, your partner is allowed to have experiences without you. It's not a permission-based game. Your partner had a life before you. And depending on the length of your relationship, your partner will have a life after you. And the goal is your partner's happiness. The goal is happiness. Everything is always happiness. Like, we deserve to be happy. We deserve to be happy, guys. You're going to be on the other side of this as well. So you have to live with all this joy that you had. But the goal is your partner's happiness. Just try to find a world where you can find joy in what your partner's experiencing. Like, love that for them. Let them have that moment, that experience, because that joy will overlap into you. If you're celebrating your partner's experiences, instead of making it a fight every time they do something without you, you get a chance to share in their joy. Like, if I go and travel, I'm excited. I learned all these things. I had a great time. I tried all this food. I did all this stuff. I'm going to come back and I'm going to, unfortunately, kind of joy dump on my, you know, partners and try to share with them my excitement so that they can feel a little piece of that excitement too. Not everybody loves that. Some people really do, but you should get excited about having that experience with them. If it's something you really wanted to do before your partner did it, and it's not just a reactive, I want to do it because they did it, If you were already happy about that and you already wanted to do that experience, there is no reason why you can't also have that experience with them. There is always your own personal take on that experience with them. Like, it really isn't a comparison activity. And you're going to be in a position where you're going to do something that your partner wanted to do. So be mindful of your emotional regulation. Like, if you poison their experience either before or after, and one of the things, you're going to the thing, things that I experienced I've experienced in the past is the initial fawning response of emotional dysregulation that, oh my gosh, this was, so how was your, how was your time? This was, you know, did you have a great time? Followed up with, you know, a day or two later, this really negative, you know, argument or fight or something along those lines. But the truth of the matter is that you're going to be on the other side of this equation at some point. So being mindful of your emotional regulation might be like, gee, if I make my partner's life hell, maybe that's the reciprocal energy I'm inviting into the relationship. Maybe what I should say is, I'm probably going to be on those sides. I'm having a feeling about this. Let's find a way to work together to deal with that envy in our relationship without it being a problem. I think that's a really important point. Flip the hat. Flip the hat and put it on your head and imagine you had this experience and your partner was the one feeling left out. How would you feel about it? How would you want to experience your partner's support or how would you support your partner? I think looking at it through the lens of the other person is a key moment for you to try to experience that like, I don't have to be jealous because if I was in that situation, I wouldn't be jealous. Try to reframe it in that and just wear the other person's hat or shoes or Toga, whatever you're going to wear of the other person's. You can wear the other person's toga. Sorry, I was in Europe. What do you watch? I'm not going to have envy over togas. You're going to my toga. But, yeah, but just try to wear the other person's shoes for a minute and feel how it would feel from the other side. And if you don't experience that same level of emotional response, maybe your partner wouldn't either. It's something to talk about. I think that one of the more proactive, maybe foundational things that you can do around protecting yourself against envy is to cultivate and create. your own personal joy and autonomy in your life. Whether you're in a relationship that maybe you've identified your relationship as highly codependence or you've been in mesh for a while and those dependencies get built or maybe you're obsessing about your partner and if they're doing this with that person, then they're never going to love me. Oh my God. It's the end of all. Right. You're you're dysregulated. And so building a strong foundation of self, having your own hobbies, on interests and experiences is going to help you build a stronger base by which you can talk about envy and jealousy and fomo. I think that's key in any relationship. I know we're talking about polyamory specifically, but even in a monogamous relationship, maintain your sense of identity of who you are separate from this other person is something I see. It's rampant on social media. It's rampant everywhere where people lose their identity to be with that other person. And this is especially challenging in polyamory because if you don't have your own identity and your own stuff, it's really hard to say, oh, I'm excited for my partner to go have that experience because I'm going to go do these things on my own, and I'm going to go have these experiences on my own independent of my partner. So I'm a fiercely independent person, and I encourage people to have their own lives and their own identities separate from their partner, because it makes that FOMO so much less. You know you're going to have experiences without them, so the pressure is less on the experiences that you're missing out on while they're having those with other. people. If you're wondering, well, how do I do that, Doc? How do I do that, Kat? The truth is, if you find yourself often feeling angry or lonely or sad or lost or that, that, or abandoned in your partner's other experiences, this may, this may be a flag for an indicator for you to say, I should probably dig into this a little bit more, whether it's reflection, or, and maybe you've heard to say this before, getting a therapist and talking about these feelings to try to build, again, that sense of the self. So as I go through my most recent therapy journey and expansion, this is a big part of our conversation of who are you, Doc? Like, what are you doing? What are you thinking about? What are you wanting to do? What are your hobbies? And I think when you see this, not just for yourself, but encouraging your partner and have it. So my partner and I, we encourage that. Like, I'm thankful. I'm always like, thank you for having this experience or thank you for being your own person or thank you for not, like, thank you for not joining me on this experience, I guess. But I think that that's a real, like, proactive thing that you can start to do today is to start to build your own personal joy and personal autonomy in your life. That will help you weather the storms of envy. There's not going to go away, but it'll help you weather them a lot more in a lot more regulated manner. Again, it's not the end of the world unless you make it the end of the world. And then that's your choice, not their choice. You may blame them, but it's your own choice. One additional point to make here is that we don't always know when our partners are going to be feeling envious or have that FOMO experience. And it could just be random. You know, maybe I come in and I was like, oh my God, I went to this amazing Indian restaurant today with my friend. And my partner is just like, oh, I don't know, I don't know how I feel. Like, being able to recognize when our partner is feeling envious and being able to offer them assurances that the relationship is okay, can sometimes de-escalate some of their fears. Again, foundationally, be proactive, build your own joy, build your own autonomy, be your own adult, be your own human, stop obsessing, break co-defendancies. But also, when it does happen, these storms do happen, being able to offer those reassurances, help them understand, oh, this took place. I honestly, I didn't think that you liked Indian food. And so, but now that you do, yes, to Kat's point earlier, when I have an experience, I want to have that experience again and again and again. And there is truly, I don't think anything special or unique about that first time. I think it's just exciting, but it's also awkward. So have that time again better next time with other things. look for opportunities that might be maybe a little bit more unique or a little bit more special within your relationship with your partner. Like, I'm sorry I went out for India. And that, that sucks. But you know what? Like, I'm cool for dessert. Do you want to go down to our favorite ice cream place and get some ice cream and invest in the relationship in that way? Or, you know what? They just dropped another episode of the show we've been watching. So cultivate that connection. But then also ask for that understanding. Like, yeah, these things happen, but we're a different person, we're different people. And I want you to have this experience. You know, how can I help you facilitate that? I think those are all really great points. And of course I want ice cream. I always want ice cream. For dessert, pre-podcast, post-podcast, all of the ice cream. Ice cream is the perfect meal or snack or dessert any time of the day. I know just where to take you when you come. Awesome. I'll come visit soon. Sharing is caring and we're all about sharing resources. If you know a company that would love to partner with Poly Pathways, please have them reach out to us at Polypathways podcast at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. Our key takeaways from this episode, FOMO happens. You're going to feel some type of way about your partner doing things without you. Recognize that. Own that from the get-go. This stuff happens. But be proactive. Call out your FOMO triggers. What is going to trigger you? What do you know is potentially going to be a moment in time where you want to do certain things? Make that list for yourself. Make that list of things that might trigger you in the future and things that you want to do with your partner. And then work on them. Work on how you're going to get through them. Make a plan for yourself. Make a template that you can use every time the situation comes out. It can be listing your feelings with eye statements. It can be journaling. It can say, I'm going to, choose from a dopamine menu. Here are all the things that make me happy that I can do all my other partners on having this experience. Here's how I want to talk about this experience. Write it all down. That way you don't have to think about it when you're in a heightened emotional state. Really reinforce the importance of open dialogue, self-awareness, and emotional resilience within your relationship. It goes beyond FOMO. Those are just good tools to have. Communication is key. You say that all the time. You cannot be in a solid, polyamorous relationship without communications. skills. Of course, you can always check the show notes for additional resources and templates. And as always, you're welcome to connect with us on social media and share your stories for future episodes. We would love to include you as part of the conversation. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, consider subscribing and follow us at Poly Pathways podcast on all the social medias that you enjoy.
